I've been going through some hard times. No big deal. We all have our struggles, our challenges, our hardships in life. I am no different from the person standing behind me in the checkout line at the grocery store.
I have always been perceived as "strong". People often tell me I am one of the strongest people they know. And so, I tend to be someone that others lean on in times of need. I listen, I console, I try to help where possible. I'm always there to help pick others up when they're down for the count. Now I don't say this to sound arrogant. I am by no means a hero of any nature, nor the proverbial knight in shinning armour. It is simply a role I play in the lives of others...and I've learned to acknowledge and accept it. But the truth is, it's a giant misconception. How can others see me as strong when there are days I can't even pick myself up off my own damn floor? Times when I feel I can't go on, times when I just don't want to be... These dark moments...they're hard. But, these moments too shall pass. Right?! Thing is, because people perceive me as strong, it's hard for me to reach out in my own times of "weakness". I have crawled through difficult times alone and denied others the opportunity to help me stand by lying to their face and telling them all "I'm fine". The reality is, not everyone has "got this" one hundred per cent of the time. It's an impossible expectation. One I've imposed on myself for the majority of my life. But nobody....NOBODY....can make it through this life alone. And I am learning that leaning on others doesn't mean I am weak or not strong enough. It simply means I am human. And I'm ok with being human - I've been called much worse. Not to say those dark times haven't taught me things that I may never have learned otherwise. It is going through those times that have helped me become stronger. I may be broken, I may be damaged, but I am still standing. And sometimes just standing is all you can do. And that too is ok. I've learned a few things along the way that have helped me overcome difficult times....that have helped me get this far. You probably know a few of these already....
My healthy outlet is writing. Shocker...I know. But I write poetry. And so I'll leave you with a recent work in progress... There's a fire burning in my soul It needs not fuel, nor wood, nor coal There's a light that shines from deep inside From which my demons can no longer hide There's a soothing love, I feel it all around It's loud and clear, yet makes no sound There's an infinite beauty in the skies above And through my tears I feel its love There's a strength I have gained from all the pain and sorrow And a grace I give for each new tomorrow
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Shauna QuinnNo stranger to taking the road less travelled, I must admit those not so great choices made me who I am and led me to where I am right now, which happens to be exactly where I am supposed to be. Archives
July 2018
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